she’s seen
sixty years
of suitors.
now she reads your texts.
granny is a dating coach for iPhone who actually knows you. screenshot any conversation — she reads it, calls the red flags, and remembers your patterns. no sugar-coating.
Alex.
it’s a whole app. here’s the real thing.
screenshots in, a verdict out — and a granny who remembers every match you’ve shown her.
give me a minute,
sweetheart.
okay,
sit.
maya,
can we talk?
three steps. then she never forgets.
-
you screenshot the chat
tinder, hinge, bumble, imessage — whatever. drop the screenshots in and granny reads the whole conversation.
-
granny reads it
your conversation is sent securely to her reading brain in the cloud — once — and never used to train anything.
-
she tells you straight
a verdict, the red and green flags, what to say next — in her voice, remembering everything she knows about you.
her notebook stays with you. everything granny figures out about you lives on your phone — not our servers. one tap, “forget me,” wipes it all, our side included. read the privacy page →
three stamps. zero hedging.
“he says that to everyone. you deserve a text back before midnight.”
“this one actually shows up. don’t overthink it, sweetheart.”
“too soon to tell. ask one real question, see if he can hold a thought.”
before you ask.
is granny real advice?
she’s an opinionated coach with a point of view — not a licensed therapist or matchmaker. take her like advice from the sharpest woman at the table: seriously, but it’s yours to use.
what happens to my screenshots?
they’re sent securely to granny’s reading brain to pull out the text — once — and never used to train any model. the notes she keeps about you live on your phone, and “forget me” deletes everything, our servers included.
does she actually remember me?
yes — that’s the whole point. granny builds a picture of what you want, your patterns, and your icks, and it gets sharper every time you talk.
what does it cost, and when?
granny is coming to iPhone this summer. early-access folks get in first — leave your email and you’ll be the first to know.
who makes granny?
peeled banana — a tiny, independent software studio. that’s us.